Buff Up

This week was a tough one for me. After the run in at Wal-Mart, I was left rather bruised and battered. It wasn't until I got home that the total feeling of disappointment hit me.

I got home and placed my new thermos on my countertop. Then, I fixed me a bowl of Cheerios. The milk to kernel ratio was just right. I sat down at the table and scooped up a bite in my spoon. The taste was good. Like the taste of victory.

But it had a bitter aftertaste. As I swallowed the delicious cereal I could see my reflection in the spoon. It was a sad sight. The upside-down, tarnished shell of a once glorious machine man.

I quickly scooped up more cereal to hide the dismal image. The bowl was soon empty. It was a perfect metaphor for my situation. A bowl without Cheerios is like a Robocop without shine. Something had to be done.

In my bedroom, atop my dresser, sat a plethora of buffing and shining products. However, none were up to par. I needed more power. This called for Froogle!

After 30 minutes of searching I found the product of my dreams. It was the Buffmaster 2000. The ad claimed that it would "burnish [me] as [I've] never been burnished before!" I certainly liked the sound of that.

Using my Patriotic Capital One Credit Card, I placed my order.

Three to four business days later it arrived. I was so excited. Indeed, I just couldn't hide it.

I quickly opened the box and pulled out the canister of Buffmaster 2000. Unfortunately I had neglected to read the instructions.

After hours of shining and buffing, I found myself still lacking luster.

I turned to the instructions and read aloud, "Lather. Rinse. Repeat." I felt like a moron. It was so simple! Yet in my haste I wasted nearly half of the Buffmaster 2000 needlessly re-lathering without first rinsing.

Even though I am one fine piece of machinery, I still make mistakes. But let my lesson be a lesson to all of you. Haste makes waste!

Now I'm back to my shiny self. It feels good. I feel me again, ready to take on anything the bad guys can throw at me and more!